Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Getting Schmeared.

Bagels are a complicated species. I say complicated because they suffer from an identity crisis, identifying themselves with both breakfast and lunch, or brunch. They can’t just choose, it’s too hard. Then there is the breakdown of each type of bagel and what its purpose in life is.

First you have the plain bagel, or what I like to call “the clutch bagel.” You can depend on this bagel and it won’t let you down. It goes with anything you put on it: cream cheese, jelly, butter, lunch meats, egg, tomato, etc. It doesn’t know the word discrimination.

Then you have the Onion bagel. Popular, but not everyone's favorite. You have to be careful though because if rejected it gets very emotional and has a tendency to feel like a poor little lump of dough. It will probably sit in a corner somewhere crying as much as the person who peeled the onions it wears.

Then you have the pumpernickel. This is a very specific type of bagel. It does not have a large fan base, but its fans are dedicated. Mainly sticking to the cream cheeses and lunch meats, this bagel should not venture into the world of sweeter schmears, but it’s okay with that.

Speaking of sweet, this brings us to the cinnamon raisin bagel. With the sweet raisins and cinnamon aroma this just screams, “I’m happy!” How could you ever be mad at bagel like that? (on the other hand if you are actually mad at a bagel there might be underlying issues that need to be addressed).

Lastly, you have the everything bagel. One word: overachiever.

1 comment:

Bethany said...

I bet you can guess which one is my favorite... the overacheiver.

I feel like our choices of food say a lot about us. I always laugh when I hear someone's Starbucks order that takes 10 minutes to call out. And then there are the people who'll drink their coffee black -- are they less demanding/needy? Maybe? Personally, I like my tea with milk and sugar... :o)