Laugh Away

I discovered this new comedian on an Ellen DeGeneres show. Enjoy!

Follow the yellow brick road…

Growing up I always envied Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Not because of her beautiful sparkly ruby red slippers... because of the yellow brick road.

As someone who is directionally challenged, the thought of having a personal yellow brick road that would lead me to my destination is amazing!

I just think how it would come in handy. Vacations, errands, restaurants, you name it and you’re there. Not to mention how glamorous you would feel! Who needs a red carpet when can have gold?!

I’ve heard of these so called location-helper-outers called GPS’s, but I don’t trust them. I mean you can’t really go about holding a GPS while walking down the street. It would look so awkward. I would much rather follow a yellow brick road, way less conspicuous.

If I was a rapper...

I would sound like this...

Say That Again?

My new thing is listening to my iPod while at the dentist. Personally, I like drowning out the sounds of the drilling, scratching, sucking saliva, etc.

But here’s my dilemma: I can never hear what the dentist is saying. I know it’s not because my volume is up too high because I keep it low. It’s the combination of my headphones plus his mask, making all words inaudible. The dentist has to realize that, right?

So here’s my question: when you’re lying in the chair with gauze pads and utensils in your mouth, why does the dentist feel the need to ask you more than just yes or no questions? Clearly, you cannot answer without sounding like Chewbacca from Star Wars. It makes no sense!

Word To The Exercise Wise

When getting on a treadmill and preparing to run, it’s important to take things slowly.

I went to the gym the other day for what I thought was going to be a nice refreshing workout. Unfortunately, when I got on the treadmill I rushed through the time, weight, intensity, speed, etc. The mill started treading and my legs were going faster and faster, and faster and faster…too fast, actually. Within seconds I was running like a bat out of hell and fearing for my life.

I looked down and noticed I had accidentally set the speed at 12! Smooth McKenzie, real smooth.

I forgot about the emergency stop button and had to catch up to the front of the machine to lower the speed. Eventually, I came to a stop and made a lousy attempt at trying to walk away inconspicuously because my legs were in fact noodles.

Moral of the story: emergency stop buttons are for people like me.

Career Switch?

With all of the doom and gloom surrounding the fate of our world, I found it interesting to note that the three recession-proof industries are:

1. Entertainment – We may have lost our jobs, homes, and cars, but at least giant transforming robots are not trying to take over the planet...again. (Whew, dodged that bullet)

2. Make-Up – We may be going down, but at least we’ll look good doing it!

3. Alcohol – What recession? My vodka and pineapple juice tastes great!

Thank You Ellen

Upon graduating, this is what I want to hear.